Weird Weekend

I've been kind of in a funk this weekend, and I'm not quite sure why. I had really annoying experiences with people from the Simi Valley Buy Sell and Trade pages. I hate dealing with people I don't know, especially disrespectful people who don't come when they are supposed to and act difficult. I listed a blender and there was no interest, so a few days later I lowered price. And then there was interest. And the lady who got it was super flaky, but because I am not aggressive enough I didn't want to pass her and have her get mad, even though I could have got more money from someone else. Then she left a weird note saying "Please next time respect the price" but she left me the lowered price so I don't understand. So now I keep wondering if she left more money and I dropped it somewhere but that really doesn't seem likely, so I'm just confused. And even though it's fine, things that could have been different just really bother me, even about 5 dollars. But I have other things to sell, and hopefully I just forget about it. The two things I've sold were wedding presents, and it's now been a year since we got them, so at this point selling them for anything is better than nothing.

I just have been more and more aware of the fact that I almost definitely have obsessive compulsive disorder. And not the "I really like things a certain way, I'm so OCD lol!!!!" A major reason why I can't get anything done is because of obsessive thoughts. Trash for instance- the thought that even though I only throw away trash, something important might have somehow inexplicably gotten in the trash. And so I compulsively go through the garbage, sometimes 2 or 3 times. I have thoughts such as "I could have got 5 more dollars from selling this item", so I compulsively replay all scenarios involving the transaction in my head, over and over, and I think of all ways I could have done things differently. The most prominent problem is the wedding. Some thought of one of the various things that went wrong will pop in my head, and I will have to close my eyes and think of all the ways it could have been fixed, and what would have happened if it went differently. And how on Earth does that help? Well, I know it doesn't. And the fact that I can't stop, and that it causes me great discomfort every day and wastes so much of my time and energy makes it a real problem, and one that I definitely need to seek help for.

Speaking of help, I'm still not sure how that whole health insurance thing is going to work even when Max is off his 90 days and starts to get his benefits. His company only pays 100 dollars a month into a plan, which as far as I know we have to first pick ourselves. And anything that is that low a month is going to have really crappy coverage. Lori said I may be able to qualify for a plan under Covered California, but every experience I've had so far trying to deal with it has been crappy.