Meeting with the Simi 5th Bishop

I'm missing my Dad a lot tonight. And it always seems to happen whenever I have a spiritual high. It's like I remember how beautiful and true the gospel is, and how I'm so happy to be able to see my Dad again one day, and then that brings more attention to the fact that he's gone now. Or that I can't tell him, "Dad! We talked to the Bishop tonight, and Max is going to get the Priesthood soon! And the Bishop is going to help us get sealed next year!" And I want to tell him that so bad, but the silly part I know that he knows already. And I am confident that he's a big part of why these prayers are being answered. I know he's on the other side pushing me and Max, and rooting for us to get where we need to be. And as hard as it is, I think a big reason he went when he did was to help me in a way he couldn't anymore while on Earth. God works in mysterious ways.

Coming to Terms

I read this awesome article about a pregnant Mom who really wanted a community garden plot. She really wanted to be the Mom that took her kids to the garden after school to pick veggies for dinner. And then when she finally got her plot, she was so busy with everything else and being a mom to two kids and a wife and everything else that she put off being a gardener. And it made her feel bad about herself, like because she couldn't live up to this ideal of what she wanted to do, she was inferior. And finally she realized that just because she had good intentions, having a garden plot didn't make her a good mom or a good wife, and she gave it up and was happy.

That whole long story correlates to this blog. I want so badly to write in my journal everyday. I want to write my hopes and dreams etc. And I don't. I just don't. I have pages with post-its from years ago saying "Write about this day!!!" No. Not gonna happen. Instead, I go on the computer. I do everything on the internet, and journaling has to be one of those things.

So, before I play another game of League of Legends with my husband, let me say hi. And that you'll be hearing from me soon.

Regarding "The Honeymoon Phase"

I read a lot of young married girl's posts about marriage, and how it was so blissful in the beginning, and slowly became hard to share and take care of each other, etc. and then the hard work begins.

And I think I'm more lucky than I realized in my relationship if that's the case. Because everyone who finds out that I've been married under a year says "Aw Honeymoon phase!" And I smile and say "Sure" and secretly think about how we sometimes fight about stupid crap, and our relationship has the same dynamic between us as when we were dating/engaged and how we aren't having "crazy newlywed sex" like everyone and the media thinks we should be, and sometimes I get worried that there's something wrong.

But really, when I read how hard it is for young couples who come down from the honeymoon phase, and then realize that "Oh we don't know each other at all because we've been together 2 months" I can't help but be relieved that we never had a "honeymoon phase", because then there's nothing to fall down from. Seriously, the closest we got to one was our Senior year in high school, where I specifically remember saying "We NEVER fight! We must be perfect!" Ha.Ha.

But that's the thing about real relationships, people aren't perfect. Max and I are so different from each other. By every compatibility test there is, we are not supposed to be happy. And through 4 years of people saying "Stop giving Max chances" I always knew that it would work out. I still have dreams that I settled for some other guy, and I'm talking to my Mom and just saying "Why am I not with Max? What happened?"

I don't know if everyone has a soul mate, and if they do, I feel like most people may pass theirs up at the first sign of a fight or breakup. But if soul mates exist, and God already decided on me and Max, or maybe we decided a long time ago in the pre-existence that we would be together (I can just imagine it. "I'll find you on Earth, but I'm going to be a huge jerk for awhile" "It's ok, I will be too!) then what I do know is that soul mate does not equal "honeymoon phase". It equals "Wow you really suck right now, but I love you so much that we're going to kiss and make up and play with the kittens together in 15 minutes."

So here's to the couples that think there's something wrong, because they fought the day after the wedding, and they fought on their honeymoon, but they wouldn't change anything, because real married couples don't get along all the time, but they always make up.

Simi Valley

We're back in Simi! All of the sudden our whole Riverside adventure is over. I'll admit it- I cried a little bit. Especially because we got engaged in that apartment, and now we can never go inside it again :(

But onwards and upwards! Onwards and upwards to living in one room at my in-laws house. Haha. Our cats are at my Mom's. Our stuff is crammed ceiling high in the other room. The guinea pigs are in there with the stuff. It's interesting. Max is at work all day, and I go to school or my mom's house, and then come back here at night with Max.

Speaking of the job. Max finished his first week today, and so far he says it's been okay. He's annoyed that they won't let him work at his own computer yet. I get upset because he's been working 8.5 hours everyday, and he gets home at 6. And goes to bed at 11. :( I miss our all night League of Legends games, which we still play.... just for only the 5 hours instead of 10...

I'm looking for seasonal work. At this point I think I'm going to be at Moorpark again next semester doing general ed and the photo classes they offer. I'm hoping to be able to work a few months now, and then stop next semester when I'll be back to full time. I just applied for a photo assistant position at the Santa mall photography thing at The Oaks mall. I would be beyond excited to work at something like that, and possibly get actual professional experience/ editing experience. I'm really praying for that honestly.

I'm at a crossroads of where I can end up. I was exploring the animal care career path for awhile, but it's becoming more narrow of an option. I enjoyed Petsmart, but it was more retail than anything. I HATED grooming at Petco. And there was the EATM option, but it's looking like I won't have the required classes down before I apply in the spring. And I'm not sure if I want to spend 2 years of hard core unpaid work like that, and then have my options to be limited to zoos and the like, which there aren't a lot of here. And if zoo work is my road, then EATM isn't necessarily a requirement to do so.

So, I can continue on my path of music, which comes with a lot of cons. Yes, I would finish quickly, but that doesn't mean it would be easy. I could continue my path to performance, but I will never be a performer past community theater for fun, not with a husband and a future family. I could do music ed- but I honestly despise teaching people things. So I can't imagine that working. The only option would be a general degree- but what's the point? Or a music therapy degree- which I am looking into. Honestly the only reason I would continue would be so I could be a good singer again and feel like a boss. And then sit in church and have random ladies tell me to join choir. And maybe sing my kids arias or something.

And then there's the photography path. The "something I've always really loved and never explored because of music" path. And this path will actually lend to career opportunities. If I can work in a studio or as an assistant part time, and be a Mom and a housewife, I will be overjoyed. If I can find something that doesn't make me want to kill myself at a retail/ food/ 9-5 office job, I will be fulfilled. At this point, I'm really leaning that way, even if it means starting over with my basic art classes and junk, because making a portfolio and having senior project shows and galleries actually makes me really excited.

Tomorrow we are looking at apartments. Specifically in Wood Ranch. We really like them so far, and they allow cats which is a plus... now we won't have to sneak them in. We're hoping for mid October to move in and set up. So we will get the holidays in our little place together. It has super mixed reviews on Yelp and other sites of being either awesome or horrible- so who knows? We'll see what the verdict is tomorrow.